All posts by temiabiks

Wifey and… Parents in the Lord (3)

Continued from last week

Wifey and … don’t even mention their names

Boys be laughing at me- I can feel it. But I wont be deterred- I’ll tell my story.

Life is just full of ironies sha. Our pre- marital counselor had assured us that we were going to fight during the honeymoon. Told us not to worry, it would pass.

Me, I had sat there listening politely, thinking ‘Is it by force?’ And I  had mentally drawn up the commonest reasons for the post wedding fight- it had to be the wedding of course. That’s why I had carefully distanced myself from all the wedding preparation drama. Anything wifey wanted, I wasn’t going to be the reason she didn’t get it.

I had no idea, that in 48 hours of marriage, I would be boasting of not one, but two fights. And 1 fleeting first base experience.

Capture

 

Anyway, back to our fight. Wifey wasn’t crying this time around- she was mad and insisting that I was deliberating twisting her words, being condescending and being very cavalier when talking about our ‘parents in the Lord’

Me too, I wasn’t backing down. No begging anyone this time. I was very eloquent on how I had pastors- not parents in the Lord. And I was sick of their names/roles being bandied around in my very early marriage.

‘We were kissing… And you stopped that to tell me what Mrs P had told you on the phone. Abeg, wetin be the problem? Who does that?’

This of course led to the fact that my apologies after fight 1 were very insincere.

Duh.

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Lets just say by the time our food came- with the force with which I yanked open the door and my livid face, the waiter had to ask

‘Sorry- is this the honeymoon couple room?’ Confusion was written all over his face.

I calmed myself immediately, told him to put the food in and I stepped out unto the corridor.

When he was done he whispered to me “Dont argue. Rookie mistake. Just say ‘Yes dear'”

You see what my life has become?

When I got back into the room- wifey had disappeared into the bathroom. I was so sure she was with her phone.

How come we had missed this fundamental difference between us during our courtship?And counselling.

I decided that getting angrier wasn’t going to make me feel any better. But eating was. So i dug in on the food. Wifey emerged from the bathroom. She looked subdued but she didn’t say anything. Maybe her parents in the Lord had told her off. I decided that thought didn’t make me feel any better.

We had both agreed during courtship that we were not going to go to bed without settling our fights.So mehn, I fought that sleep off because I didn’t want to be the one to raise up this gunpowder and explosion topic. Pretty childish abi? Well, the last one or two hours have not been my finest so why start being all noble and mature now?

Wifey was plenty steps ahead of me. After changing into some flimsy something, she mumbled a very faint ‘I’m sorry’ before she dove under the covers.

Ehen? So that counts as settling fight? Interesting.

The next morning, I woke up first- I’m not sure why. That’s a lie, I know why. Anyway in those quiet moments, without that angry edge, I could think fairly objectively about my 72 hour plus marriage.

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White Bed Sheets

One, wifey was annoying the hell out of me. But she was still wifey. And we had a pretty long time to spend together. And I loved her. And we had to just squash this, somehow.

Two, I had still not managed to execute any of my real honeymoon plans. One way or the other, that streak was ending today. This morning. I don’t even want to hear.

Wifey woke up later. I greeted her first and suggested that we should pray.

During our prayer, I plainly asked God to allow me reach third base today. That broke the ice and she started laughing. Good sign. By the time I started seriously rebuking all the demons warring against this prayer and desire, still laughing, she moved closer to assist God and the angels.

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Somehow, that whole day passed and she managed not to bring up the P word up even once. And not to slip into the bathroom to make any calls. And to focus on only me. And us.

Ehen. This is what I’m talking about.

The next day, we did the Big Bus Tour Dubai. Somewhere on that open roof, during a particularly long stretch of journeying. I brought up the topic.

She tensed once I mentioned the subject. But I was determined it was a subject we were only going to visit when we were in public. She insisted that she still thought I was disrespectful and a bit irrational when it came to such a treasured relationship. I insisted that, while I didn’t agree with anything she had said- I wasn’t going to try to change her.

‘In this matter, I think we should both respect each others’ convictions. If we want peace’ I said resolutely

Wifey was almost in tears

‘But all they’ve ever done is show us so much love. I dont just understand your coldness to them’

I wasnt going to be baited. Or moved. ‘I love them, in my own way. You love them in yours. I’ve agreed to respect the way you’ve chosen to love them. Can you do the same for me? Or should we continue to fight and argue about it?’

She nodded sadly. But I needed more than a nod- if possible, I wanted a written agreement. But we stopped short at spelling out a few details

  1. No more bringing up our pastors when we were in the bedroom. She laughed at how ridiculous it sounded. But I have been burnt twice. I insisted on this one point.

  2. They were NOT my Parents in the Lord. They were my pastors. No more ‘Our’ parents in the Lord. She looked at me, probably wondering how she ended up with someone so fundamentally flawed.

  3. She was allowed to call them as often as she wished and I was not to comment on whether it was too long or late or unnecessary.

  4. She was allowed to do her Pastor and Mrs P ‘PDAs’. She should just leave me out of her plans.

 

I didn’t push my luck by demanding more. Number 4 annoyed her and I decided we had talked about the topic probably longer than the pastors themselves expected we would mention their names during our honeymoon.

The rest of the honeymoon went on okay. Just kidding, it was great.



 

We’ve now been married 4 months. I have learnt to ignore the bathroom calls heavily laced with ‘Yes, mummy’. And she has greatly managed to call them Pastor and Mrs P when referring to them to me.

She has not strictly kept to number 1 rule though- but at least she did not interrupt anything to tell me ‘Mummy says…’. But very importantly, when she was on the committee planning Pastor’s surprise birthday- I appreciated her effort not to tell me too much about it. May God bless her for that one.

Once in a while, I give that inward pained sigh when she does something I consider ‘really weird’. But that cannot be helped, i suppose. It is well.

If this is the major bleep in this fantastic woman I have married- I’ll take it. I’ll take her over and over again.

At least now, I’m a happily married orphan-in-the-Lord.

Wifey will probably not see this as a joke.

‘Sorry, babe’

 

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Wifey and Our Parents in the Lord (2)

Continued from last week

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I’ll not bore you with details about the rest of the reception.

All I want to say is this new fad of the bride and her train doing choreography- me I don’t know about it. But of course my opinion doesn’t count. If they are happy to do it, they should by all means.

I also wont mention the little money-spraying scuffle that happened on our way out of the reception. It upset wifey then and I’m sure bringing it up now will only cause trouble.

Thankfully, we were soon sent on our merry way unto the rest of our lives. Starting at the hotel where we had booked 2 nights, before we were going to travel to Dubai for the honeymoon.  Finally, I had my bride all to myself. And me…  I had plans.

But wifey was tired so…

Continue reading Wifey and Our Parents in the Lord (2)

Wifey and Her Parents in the Lord (1)

Me, I grew up in a conservative orthodox church. My parents were Baptists and somewhere in the pews of the church, I learnt to love God. My born again experience was later down the line, but that is not what this write up is about.

Fast forward many, many years, and about 6 churches later (only 2 were actually personal long term decisions, the other 4 had ‘external influences’) I met the woman who would later become my wife.

‘Bros, smile now. Must Jesus beg you before you smile at Him in church?’ were the first words she spoke to me, complete with an impish smile.

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She worked as a greeter in our common church and somehow, my normal serious look was interpreted as ‘frowning’. I chuckled though and I confess, that impish smile was all I thought about all through the service. After service, I went looking for her. The rest as they say was history.

Our courtship took less than one year- we both knew what we wanted, were in our thirties and ready  to commit to building our lives together. We were already doing the family rounds barely five months after that fateful day.

The rounds took us to our pastors’ house. Not office, like for the pre wedding counselling. Their names were on the ‘relatives to visit’ list.

‘They are our Parents in the Lord’ she had explained.

Ehen?

 

Don’t get me wrong, I had heard the term used before- but not in any church I had been to and certainly not in reference to myself. At our present church, the pastor was called Pastor and the pastor’s wife; Mrs P. The five other churches I had attended? They had been youth fellowships and youth churches. The term had never been used.

So maybe that’s why I was surprised to be informed I had Parents in the Lord.

That asides, I was pretty stoked to be going to Pastor’s house. Wifey was really at home there, when we got there. They clearly knew her much better than I had known and they greeted me like they had been hearing about me. Mrs P asked me a few questions and Pastor had some deep advice for me.

‘I didnt know you were close to Pastor and Mrs P like that’ I remarked on our drive home.

She laughed ‘Everyone should be close to their parents in the Lord’

2nd mention. Ok o.

The wedding was a big one- my iyawo knew almost everyone at our about 2000 people strong congregation by name. Then she also knew most of her second cousins by name and number. Pastor and Mrs P officiated the church service. It was a honor really.

Left to me, wedding receptions should be scrapped. I had never been to a wedding reception where I didn’t wonder why a wedding shouldn’t just end after the church ceremony. The least important part of the whole wedding thing was the subject of so much planning and attention. And headache.

I mentioned this twice to wifey during the planning but she had just laughed and tweaked my cheek. Both times. Compromise was that I didn’t want any part of the planning process. She, my mom and her mom were delighted with my announcement. So I had nothing to do but to hope I wasnt a grouch during the inevitable, all important wedding reception.

The reception was nice, I guess. Wifey was definitely part woman, part fish the way she was able to contort her body in the name of dancing. She was definitely very happy about the ceremony (and me, hopefully). Okay, not so bad, I thought to myself, fighting the temptation to look at my wristwatch ever so often. Not so bad.

We had just taken our seats after dance in when wifey leaned over and whispered that we should go and serve ‘Mummy and Daddy’ with the wine from our table.

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Uhm, I know I’d avoided wedding receptions like a plague but I was sure this wasn;t routine. We? Serve the wine from our table? Why? There was wine on every table and we could always tell the ushers to help out if needed.

‘As a sign of respect. it’ll be a nice gesture’

Before I could say ‘Absolutely not’, she had gotten up already and grabbed the bottle of wine, smiling at me like we were both in on a conspiracy. I forced a fake smile to cover my perplexity and followed her, ignoring the suggestions the emcee felt it was his duty to make. The crowd laughed.

Halfway to the guests, I realised I didnt know which of our parents she was planning to serve. If we served one pair, the other would definitely be slighted

‘Wifey…’I whispered through clenched teeth, but she was waving away and smiling at everyone. Prom queen mode. She really loved this thing.

When we strolled past our parents’ tables, my fake smile slipped a little But wifey kept going. Just as I reached out to grasp her elbow, tired of the ‘idiot’ feeling I had going on, she stopped.

Pastor and Mrs P’s table.

They seemed amused. Surprised too. Mrs P got up to hug her. The church members in nearby tables whooped. With a flourish, she held out the wine bottle to me, to open of course, while she basked in their praises. She then collected it from me and filled their glasses.

Now, we were free to go back to the couples spot. Amidst comments from the emcee who was starting to get on my nerves.

Was I the only one that thought what just happened was a tad bit weird?

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‘What was that?’ I asked her through my fake smile

She just laughed and planted a peck on my cheek, much to the delight of the crowd.

I just should have known this was not going to be the end of it…

To be continued

photocredit: tinkhanib@wordpress.com

Evil outsmarts good… aka if not for Jesus

My friend and I were gisting about some his friends that had boats. In Lagos, Nigeria.

I dont even know what a boat costs, so  I’m not exactly sure why this was an intriguing piece of information. Anyway, the focus of the conversation was that they were yahoo-yahoo boys. Aka internet fraudsters. Aka the kind of people that send you a message from the CIA that you should send an email to yorubaboyname@yahoo.com. Aka… you get the drift.

We had been talking about values. The boat-boys despite being known as criminals were respected. At least, their money was. We had moved from a not too distant time ago when those boys would have been avoiding friends not into what they were doing to one that they were’oppressing’ them now. Sad, we agreed.

We also agreed on one point, which in retrospect, was food for a lot of thought:

We could have also had that kind of money if we wanted- if not for our moral upbringing, if not for our christian upbringing. In other words- If not for Jesus.

So the question came up- does Evil outsmart Good? Like if two people were of equal IQs and were equally hard  working- if one of them is evil and the other good, would the evil person necessarily come out on top?

The answer is Yes

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The real question I should have been asking was ‘What does it mean to be good?’ or ‘What does it mean to be a Christian?’

For a long time, I figured out that being good simply meant ‘playing by the rules’. However, looking back, what I really thought being good meant was ‘Not playing by bad rules’.

Sounds the same, but they are very different.

Being evil meant cheating and so, being good meant ‘Not cheating’. Being evil meant ‘stealing’ and so good meant ‘Not stealing’

So in the end, evil meant actively doing something and good meant actively not doing whatever evil was doing

Is it any surprise that evil would outsmart good?

Now here’s a surprise: The master praised the crooked manager!

And why? Because he knew how to look after himself.

Streetwise people are smarter in this regard than law-abiding citizens. They are on constant alert, looking for angles, surviving by their wits. I want you to be smart in the same way—but for what is right—using every adversity to stimulate you to creative survival, to concentrate your attention on the bare essentials, so you’ll live, really live, and not complacently just get by on good behavior

Luke 13:7-9

The Message Bible Translation

As long as ‘good people’ equate being good for complacency and passivity, waiting for their good to justify them and over all the bounty of life to them, just because they are good- they will wait a long time.

The answer is NO

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First and foremost because the true Christ follower and the evil person cannot have the same ultimate goals in mind when starting even the same project.

For one, money is the god, for the other, Christ is God. For one, impressing people is the king, for the other, God’s applause is ultimately what is important.

As long as their goals are different, as long as their real ‘Ogas at the top’ differ, the same answer script cannot be used to grade the exams.

The second reason, is that the Christian that realizes that even his ‘mundane’ tasks can be used by God will hold himself (and the Spirit of God within him) to a higher degree of expectations than the other. But not everyone realizes this.

Servants, do what you’re told by your earthly masters.

And don’t just do the minimum that will get you by. Do your best.

Work from the heart for your real Master, for God, confident that you’ll get paid in full when you come into your inheritance. Keep in mind always that the ultimate Master you’re serving is Christ. The sullen servant who does shoddy work will be held responsible. Being a follower of Jesus doesn’t cover up bad work.

Collosians 3:23-24 (The Message Bible translation)

So did I just argue both sides and speak, as they say, with both sides of my mouth? Yes and No (LOL!).

Have a great day, week and month ahead.

Stay Wise. And Stay Connected!

X Men Apocalypse: fun or threat?

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Hands up if you thought X men Apocalypse was very cliched.  (My hand is up)

Hands up if you thought the end was anticlimatic. (Again, my hand is up)

Hands up if you are tired of all these super hero films where the bad guys keep promising to destroy the world but always, always fall short just at the nick of time. (My 2 hands are up)

Hands up, if you as a christian, felt uncomfortable during the narrative of the film.(My hands are up)

Let me explain.

I love the Xmen stories. Like love, love, love. Hugh Jackman- that man never grows old, does he? And I had a crush on James Marsden for like 2 years after he played Cyclops. Or was it 3?

The Days of Future Past movie? A-mah-zing. I watched it twice in the theatres. The sheer intelligence of the story line was just great. The story was ready to start again, and I was sure I was going to love whatever they were going to do with the saga.

Until I watched the trailer for Xmen Apocalypse- and there was going to be a mutant, with all so powerful capabilities, that had been erroneously labelled as God by men through the ages. So that noone got it twisted, they mentioned all the culturally popular deities through the ages ‘Yahweh, Buddha, Allah’… Continue reading X Men Apocalypse: fun or threat?

Keep calm. I’m only wasting my life

No, I am not trying to trick you into reading some motivational speech, hidden under some inflammatory topic.

I really want to share the top ten tips to wasting your life.

Seriously.

I mean there are 6 billion lives on this one planet alone- why does everyone have to be reaching for a higher purpose? What does is matter if like 1 million are simply here to take up space and use up oxygen?

Anyway, hope you have your pen and paper ready. Or not.

Here goes Continue reading Keep calm. I’m only wasting my life

Your Most Read Article:Smelly baby and Me

A real tear-jerker innit? Lol. Weldone Temi!


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The pain in my chest startled me awake seconds before the wailing from the other end of the room started again. I gritted my teeth, tears springing to my eyes.

Breathe in… breathe out…

The pain subsided again, but it was still there. It felt like it had been there my whole life.

I opened my eyes slowly. The dimly illuminated single ward was full, everyone seemed to have a visitor. Everyone except me.

I stared at the IV giving set which had been disconnected from my arm when I had woken up earlier to urinate. No one had bothered to reconnect it. Tears pricked the back of my eyes

Why, oh why, wouldn’t that screaming baby just shut up?! Continue reading Your Most Read Article:Smelly baby and Me

This one moment…

So, when I’m not writing on the blog, or doing me (whatever that means), I work as a doctor in a pretty busy government hospital.

That means I get to see lots of people I conveniently categorize as cases. This case of this, this case of that. But of course, every once in a while, when talking with people, we get beyond the reason why they are at the hospital (to see a Doctor, who categorizes them as cases) and relate as human beings.

Anyway, my muse for today was some seventy something year old woman who made an interesting comment while she was consulting with me.

I was asking her about some health event that had happened some forty something years before, and at some point she gave a rather startled laugh and said in Yoruba (her native language)

‘I have now become one of those old women I used to look at as old when I was younger’.

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Continue reading This one moment…

I, robot.

Disclaimer alert: this is not about the movie. I am not even sure I ever actually watched it.

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The title always just fascinated me.

I’m not sure what the storyline is about but when I see the name, I picture a human being actually becoming a robot.

And I’m certain we have all felt that way at some point in our lives.

In the frantic chaos that life can be, I sometimes get the feeling that I’m just running on some auto-program, which is re booted everyday.

Wake. Rush to work (as I never leave early enough for a leisurely ride). Work. Come home and spend some more time caught up in work related stuff. A little me time. Sleep. Run the program again tomorrow. Continue reading I, robot.

JOY TO THE WORLD… Poem

Joy To the World

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One still winter’s day, a long long time ago

The earth went about her business, the heavens too

‘It was just another night’

But they didn’t know, that night would be like none they had ever seen

For that night, a small voice would whisper…

And say ‘Joy to the World’

 

Earth had just put her children to bed when she heard the voice

‘Joy to the World…’

‘Is it true?’ She asked in wonder. ‘Do I dare believe it’

She rushed outside and looked to the heavens. She saw a star.

‘Oh’ She cried for joy and immediately started preparing to receive him…

…the best hospitals, a tirade of servants, a mansion…

Earth sang for joy, the first time in years.

She saw her healing.

The King is coming.

 

‘Joy to the World…’

Mankind was in his prison cell when he heard

His pulse quickened, then fear and uncertainty stilled it

He had been in jail for so long. Was freedom really possible?

He looked out and saw a great light in a distance

With a laugh of exultation, he pumped his fists in the air…

…he must start exercising, training… preparing for battle

He saw his release.

The Saviour is coming.

 

The Evil one sat drinking with Death and Hades

‘Joy to the World…’

The devil stood up slowly, disbelief etched on his feautures.

Death and hades watched, crouching in fear

‘Emmanuel?’ the devil said increduosly.

Then he heard the sound of a woman in labour

With a roar of rage which sent his minions scuttling into corner

He summoned The Strongman, captain of his guard

‘Prepare for the war of wars’

He saw his destruction.

The enemy had come.

 

‘Joy to the World…’

The angels about thier duties looked amongst themselves in wonder

The light of all eternity in that foul dark place?

The King of kings, a subject in that unworthy land?

Wondering at the love of the Master, the choir gathered and sang ‘Glory to God in the highest’

The warriors gathered and prepared their sickles

They saw thier triumph

A harvest was coming

 

 

‘Joy to the World…’

Jesus heard and got up from the throne. Determined.

As He removed His crown of glory, he looked down…

Earth was preparing mansions when he would have no home

Mankind was preparing his muscles when He wanted his heart

As He walked along the crystal sea to the gates, angels bowed in worship

At the gates, he paused. He saw the hatred. He saw the unbelief. He saw the whips, the crown of thorns, the cross. He saw separation from God.

But with all these, he saw other things…

For though the Earth seemed happy, she was a leper, covered with festering sores

Though Mankind was preparing to help himself, he was a cripple

He saw His death… still He saw me

‘I will save them’

 

As Love took a step down that day

A virgin gave birth, shepherds saw supernatural beings, wisemen bowed to a baby…

Nothing was ever the same again

History for eternity was changed that night

For ‘Joy to The World, the Lord is Come’