Have you ever completely shocked yourself?
Let me rephrase that and be a li’l more specific. Have you, after being a christian and walking with God for a while, found yourself COMPLETELY surprised about what you are capable of? In the negative way.
Exampli gratia, a ‘fine christian man’ who is arguing with his wife finds himself surprised on how close he came to hitting her. Maybe he even does. (I am in ABSOLUTELY NO WAY excusing or condoning this).
Or you are making a complaints at an airline’s desk, talking to a very particularly snooty and indifferent agent when suddenly you find yourself hurling unprintables you didnt even know you had in your dictionary at her.
And she then says something like
‘Pastor Mike, I’ll have to have you escorted off the premises for just calling me a *&%$#@#$%’ in that deadpan voice of hers. And you almost reel back in surprise like ‘I said that?’
Yes. I have shocked myself quite a number of times.I have been shocked on how bad I can be.
On my best days, I am who God would be if He was a ‘female Nigerian doctor/blogger in chief living in Lagos’
On my worst day, on my baddest day…. Lets just say you would possibly wonder if I had some split personality disorder.
I basically had to ‘discover’ a few truths I knew ‘logically’ but had never really thought about
- The Flesh Does Not Get Born Again
The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.
King James Version
You might be ‘duh-ing’ me right now. But the truth is my flesh is every bit as sin prone as the day I first gave my life to Christ.
2. The battle for my mind is real. My non born again Flesh vs my Born Again spirit
It happens so regularly that it’s predictable.
The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
The Message Bible translation
3. The only solution for this anger and jealousy and filth talking part of me? There is NONE. So it has to die. And continually die. And stay dead. Continuosly.
But I say, walk habitually in the [Holy] Spirit [seek Him and be responsive to His guidance], and then you will certainly not carry out the desire of the [g]sinful nature [which responds impulsively without regard for God and His precepts].
Amplified Bible translation
My flesh is never going to ‘get it’ and start hating or running way from sin. My default non-Holy Spirit- relying mode is to want to sin.
That’s why on my best days, when I’m ‘feeling God, I cant stop pressing in to know Him. I cant afford to tell Him ‘I gat this from here’
I cant afford to think ‘Oh, those mistakes are for unbelievers or rookie christians’.
Yes, it gets easier to make some decisions the longer I walk with Christ. But that just means its easier to keep something down than to wrestle it to the ground.
It’s beyond positive thinking. And being determined. And morals. I have to stay close to the Word of God and praying for continued victory over sin and the devil. That’s the only way I can stop having to see me as I could possibly be o my baddest day.